Flight of The Foot

So, the trip has already started off...interesting. We got to LAX for our 1:40am flight in plenty of time to make the 9:30pm deadline. However, it seems that this was the time that the Air China counter opened. Not the time it closed. We got checked in and, with almost nobody ahead of us in line, security was a breeze.

When we arrived to claim our seats on the plane, a Chinese man of indeterminate age was seated smack dab in the middle, which was to be my seat, having kindly offered the window seat to Barb. After a few awkward moments he consented to move over to the end. A center seat, on an international flight? Does it get any better than this, you ask. Indeed it does. The aforementioned gentlemen had no concept of personal space whatsoever, which, quite frankly, I had been expecting. What I had not been expecting was the overwhelming odor that emanated from this guy. When we first started smelling it, Barb exclaimed at the unpleasantness (as Barb is wont to do), and puzzled at the rancid putrescence, I told her that it must be the general accumulated foot stink of weary travelers. It wasn't until we'd been on the flight for a while that I realized that it wasn't the stink of many, so much as it was the unbelievably concentrated stink of the single guy next to me. I don't think he has ever washed his feet...ever. Like his mother bought him socks when he was five and he was celebrating fifty years of never taking them off. The air conditioner on the plane didn't work. So, it was warm and stale on the plane...with that foot funk. We have dubbed this gentleman The Foot. The Foot seemed a kind fellow however. He did share his hot tea with me. I just really wish that A) I was awake at that time and B) he would have shared it in a cup instead of my lap.

Not one to scoff at other culture's customs for sharing drink, I managed to restrain myself from cursing outright in the guy's face. Interestingly enough, once perfunctory apologies had been made, The Foot evinced no further concern for what might have been severe burns on my "groinal" region.

The flight had no real in-flight entertainment. The movie that was played during the flight proper was in Chinese on an old projector screen that you couldn't really see unless you were in the middle of the plane and within six rows of the screen. Besides the fact that neither Barb nor I speak Mandarin, our headphone jacks didn't work. At least we had The Foot; the traveling squirrel of Air China. Besides bringing his odor and sharing skills to the table, he also brought everything he owned. He had no less than four pieces of carry on luggage. Not little bag type of carry-ons either. Barely legal sized roll-ons. He proceeded to bring them down between meals and repack them. He had squirreled them all over the cabin.

I know that I keep describing the antics of The Foot. It was our only real entertainment. He apparently liked the plastic dishes that we were served the in flight food on so much that he cleaned them with the handy wipe and packed them away in one of his many bags. He had plenty of dishes to choose from. When the flight attendant would ask which dish we wanted to have for dinner (Pork Rice or Sheep Noodles...what? Sheep Noodles. I had to order them to try them...turned out to be Shrimp Noodles), The Foot talked his way into getting both; for every meal. That odor requires a lot of energy to keep going.

We have finally landed. Unfortunately it's not in Beijing. They have told us why we couldn't land in Beijing. I think the announcements are made in both Mandarin and some sort of English/Mandarin/Greek/Klingon mash-up. We have no idea where we are why we are here. At least we get to sit on the tarmac in the warm, stuffy stink of this plane. Huzzah!!

We finally find someone who speaks Mandarin and English. We have landed in Tianjin, near the coast. We are waiting until the fog lifts from the Beijing airport. It's about a half hour flight once we get the go ahead. All of this information Barb had to know, as if knowing would make the plane less stuffy or would get us there faster. I was wondering if, after finding out what prohibited us from landing in Beijing, Barb might not take it upon herself to remedy the situation. Whereas I was irritated at the situation, Barb was, as usual, totally stirred up about it. After a couple of hours of this torture we land in Beijing airport. We stand there and breathe the fresh air of the exhaust filled tarmac. Anything after The Foot will be fresh for the rest of our lives.

Our temperature is taken and we are scrutinized at immigration. However, I found it easier getting into China my first time than getting into England. Strange. Finding Peter (our national guide) was really very easy. He was holding a flag with the travel agency's logo on it. Then it dawns on me; we are going to be those kinds of tourists. Following a guide with a flag. Oh, the shame. All we needed to complete the look were Hawaiian shirts and cameras. Barb wouldn't let me bring Hawaiian shirts, so with the camera I was halfway there. Well, such is life.

We are told that our schedule has really been shuffled around due to the day we landed. October 1st is China's 4th of July. It's their founding day. They call it National Day. Seems we have arrived on the 60th anniversary of the founding of the Peoples Republic of China. A huge celebration is being planned in Tienanmen Square today and unless you have papers from the Chinese government, you can't get near the place. I was, quite frankly, a little peeved that we were sold a tour package that we can't go on. However, I was assured that we will get to see everything, just on different days.

On the way to our hotel Peter explains that National Day is actually an 8 day celebration for the country. Beijing is being visited by many, many, many people from all over China as well as the rest of the world. We are going to have to share our China time with other people. I had no idea at the time how many people we were talking about...

Traffic...wow. Many of you know that I am usually willing to drive in any country. On the wrong side of the road, manual, automatic, it doesn't bother me. After being driven around on a huge bus and seeing the roads (can't call them rules of the roads, because there are none, which Barb finally clarified with Peter later), I will state now that I have no interest in driving in Beijing. The cars have the right of way, not people. Bicycles and motor scooters are everywhere weaving in and around cars as they make turns. People wander out in to the street and stop knowing (or hoping really) that the car will go careening within inches of their person but not actually hit them. I swear the bus drove so close to some waiting pedestrians that we sheared off nipples. Amazingly enough, no one seems to find any of this out of the ordinary, and people drive like they are on the most important mission of their lives. Having seen the way our driver maneuvered that bus, I'm fairly certain that he's had some form of combat driving training. The bus mirrors are not on the sides of the bus, but rather on the front, which enables them to scoot by within mere inches of each other. Several times, myself and other passengers unconsciously leaned away from the window as if that might prevent our vehicle from parking itself halfway in the other one.

We got to the hotel (a Courtyard by Marriott) that was very central to everything we would want to see and got checked in. The optional tour that day was a trip to the gardens of the Summer Palace and a trip to the Panda House at the Zoo. I had to skip this tour as something I ate or was exposed to (The Foot) had made me pretty ill. Barb and I got into the room and I napped off the sick feeling. The hotel wasn't the one we were supposed to be booked in, as that one was undergoing renovations. It wasn't the best place I've stayed in, but certainly not the worst. The shower was hot and forceful, and the bed was...hard...rock hard...to the point that Barb and I debated whether or not there was a real mattress on the bed. Apparently mattresses come in firm, extra firm, and stone slab.

When I finally awoke, Barb was *ready* for some food. I was apparently starving the poor woman. We wandered down to the hotel restaurant. We were both drawn to the Tandoori Chicken and Curry Lamb, but, decided that it was our first day in China; we ordered Chinese food. The waitress came back several minutes later to inform us that they were out. Out of Chinese food...in China. Huh? So, she suggested a dish to me that was not on the menu. I jumped at the opportunity. Sweet! Something that the cook was going to create special. I wish I would have ordered the hamburger. The dish was not good at all.

Luckily, I was distracted from the horrible food by the amazing fireworks show that was happening for National Day. Let me start by saying WOW! You may already be aware of my apathy towards fireworks. Individual firework shots are really not impressive to me. But the Chinese...imagine a 4th of July finale on steroids. Now imagine that every 20ish minutes. They had fireworks in the shame of doves firing from hotel rooftops down the street symbolizing the dove flying over the city. Huge displays of innumerable fireworks. Just awesome. I couldn't believe the show. We spent the remainder of the evening in the hotel room watching the fireworks on TV and from our window.